What Do We Do About Discipline?

December 23, 2024

We often get asked the question, “How do you handle discipline issues?” We love this question because in Montessori we think about discipline from a different lens. 


We start by being curious because misbehavior is a form of communication. Children want to do well and do the right thing. So what are they trying to tell us when they misbehave?


Unmet Physical Needs


Children often misbehave due to unmet needs. At a very basic, physical level, this might be due to being hungry, tired, or overstimulated. So we look at children’s environment and what could change to better support those needs. Perhaps the problem is due to missing their sleep window and being overtired? Or maybe there’s a need for a more protein-packed breakfast so as to not fall apart mid-morning. It might be that a room full of people is causing too much sensory input and a little time in a quieter space or fresh air is just what’s needed.


Unmet Emotional Needs


Other times children might have unmet emotional needs. Dr. Jane Nelson provides an excellent overview of unmet needs in her Positive Discipline work. Positive Discipline aligns well with Montessori because both are based in teaching children respect, responsibility, and problem-solving skills. 


In Positive Discipline, Dr. Nelson outlines unmet emotional needs and categorizes these as four mistaken goals. The essence of Positive Discipline is that children develop behaviors in response to feeling disconnected or powerless in certain situations, so they unconsciously use four strategies to try to get their needs met. Unfortunately, these strategies tend to backfire because the behavior isn’t effective! So our goal is to support children in learning new ways to meet their needs. 


Mistaken Goal #1: Attention


The first mistaken goal is attention. We see this when children show behaviors like whining, interrupting, or causing disruptions of some sort. They are seeking attention but can’t yet distinguish between positive attention and negative attention. So when adults respond with annoyance, irritation, or even by giving in, we are inadvertently reinforcing the attention-seeking behavior and children’s underlying belief that they only belong when they have our attention (even if our attention is based on frustration!). 


A way to help children meet this need is to offer positive attention, encouragement, and connection at times when they aren’t showing misbehavior. Another proactive approach is to find engaging and meaningful tasks for children to do, which helps provide them with a sense of belonging and connection.


Mistaken Goal #2: Power


When we, as adults, feel angry or challenged in response to children’s behavior, that’s usually a sign that the mistaken goal is one of power-seeking. This kind of behavior can quickly escalate into power struggles, defiance, or even other ways to exert control such as through tantrums or arguing. When children have an unmet goal of power, they have an underlying belief that they can belong only when they are in control or when they can prove that no one can boss them around. 


We can support children who have this unmet need by practicing collaborative problem-solving during times when things are already going well. In the moment of challenge, we can avoid power struggles by offering limited choices in a firm but kind way.


Mistaken Goal #3: Revenge


One of the more confusing forms of misbehavior is when children do things that seem intended to hurt others, such as hitting, name-calling, and other destructive actions. When acting this way children are demonstrating that they don’t feel loved so they will hurt others as they feel hurt. What’s tricky is that this behavior often leads to others feeling hurt and wanting to either distance themselves or retaliate. 


In order to address this mistaken goal, we need to focus on repairing the relationship and over time addressing the underlying hurt. Empathy and restorative practices help in the process of healing emotional wounds. This mistaken goal requires us to get genuinely curious without any form of accusation or disapproval.


Mistaken Goal #4: Assumed Inadequacy


When children give up easily, withdraw, avoid challenges, or refuse to try, they may be operating under the belief that they belong only by convincing others not to expect anything from them. Our reactions may include feeling helpless, giving up, or even taking over tasks our children were expected to do. 


An alternative approach is to encourage small steps toward success and to focus on effort over outcomes. Over time, by breaking up tasks into smaller, manageable parts, and providing side-by-side support without taking over and doing the task for them, we can help children develop more confidence and belief in their abilities.


Shifting our Thinking


So when thinking about misbehavior, we shift our approach to first consider what physical and emotional needs children are trying to communicate. Then we focus on long-term solutions while practicing kindness and firmness. Consistent encouragement, respectful communication, and proactive planning help us address what might typically be seen as “discipline issues” so we can guide children toward healthier behaviors. Part of this includes helping children begin to understand their own needs, learn how to communicate respectfully and establish healthy habits and boundaries.


Do you want to learn more about how school can nurture children’s emotional well-being and their sense of belonging? Schedule a tour to see how we create environments of mutual respect and cooperation!


September 28, 2026
Nestled on a shelf in our Montessori Primary classrooms sits a distinct wooden cabinet filled with six to seven slim drawers. From the outside, it is simple and unassuming. Yet, when a child slides out a drawer, they reveal a beautifully arranged collection of vibrant blue geometric insets, each set inside a smooth wooden frame with a small brass knob in the center. As you explore through the drawers, you discover a rich world of plane geometry: circles that vary gracefully in diameter, rectangles that grow incrementally in width, a variety of triangles, regular polygons, quadrilaterals, and unique curved figures. This is the Geometry Cabinet —one of the most foundational and versatile materials in the Montessori Primary environment. Beyond introducing mathematical concepts, this captivating material enhances visual and muscular memory, develops critical language skills, and directly prepares the child’s hand for writing. A Concrete Foundation for Geometry First and foremost, the Geometry Cabinet introduces plane geometry through direct, hands-on experience. On top of the cabinet sits a demonstration tray containing three primary shapes: an equilateral triangle, a square, and a circle. These three figures form the bedrock of geometry: The Circle: Serves as the key to calculating angles. The Triangle: The fundamental constructing figure in geometry (and the polygon with the fewest possible sides). The Square: Used to measure area and represent four-sided polygons. In our Primary classrooms, guides use this demonstration tray to give children their very first impressions of these three essential figures, establishing a concrete foundation that will serve them through their Elementary years and beyond. A Tactile and Sensorimotor Experience Montessori learning always engages the senses. When introducing a shape from the cabinet, a guide demonstrates how to hold the shape by its small knob using the non-dominant hand while tracing the perimeter of the shape with the index and middle fingertips of the dominant hand. The child then traces the matching wooden outline in the drawer. This deliberate, meditative movement accomplishes two key developmental goals: Sensorial Discrimination: It gives the child a precise tactile impression of the shape’s physical boundaries. Motor Preparation for Writing: It refines fine motor control, hand-eye coordination, and spatial awareness—all essential prerequisites for holding a pencil and writing. As children gain confidence, they progress from tracing single shapes to mixing up multiple drawers and matching shapes back into their frames. To further refine their tactile sense, children often perform this work while wearing a blindfold, relying entirely on their sense of touch! From Concrete Material to Abstract Symbols As children master the physical insets, we introduce three distinct sets of cards for each geometric shape: Solid Cards: The shape is filled in completely. Thick Outline Cards: The shape is represented by a thick outer line. Thin Outline Cards: The shape is represented by a delicate, thin outer line. The child selects a physical wooden inset, searches through the cards, and places the concrete shape directly onto its matching abstract card. This work bridges the gap between concrete objects and abstract symbols—a vital step in learning to read. If a child can distinguish the subtle visual differences between a trapezoid and a parallelogram, they can easily differentiate between written letter forms like a cursive b and z. Through the Geometry Cabinet, children internalize the reality that symbols are simply shapes defined by lines. Rich, Precise Language Acquisition Young children absorb precise terminology with remarkable ease. Rather than using simplified terms, Montessori guides provide exact geometric nomenclature. As children work with the Geometry Cabinet, they effortlessly learn and apply precise vocabulary: Quadrilaterals: Rhombus, parallelogram, isosceles trapezoid, right-angled trapezoid. Curved Figures: Oval, ellipse, quatrefoil. Triangles: Equilateral, right-angled isosceles, acute-angled scalene, obtuse-angled scalene. Polygons: Pentagon, hexagon, heptagon, octagon, nonagon, decagon. Rather than seeing just a "triangle," a Montessori child learns to observe and categorize shapes based on their distinct angles and sides, expanding their vocabulary while building mental classification skills. Movement, Memory, and Spatial Awareness To deepen concentration and exercise memory, guides introduce a series of interactive movement games with the Geometry Cabinet: Distance Matching: A shape is placed on one side of the room while its frame remains on the other. The child must hold the precise visual and tactile memory of the shape as they walk across the room to find its match. Environmental Discovery: Children search the classroom to find real-world objects that match a specific geometric inset, bridging the gap between isolated materials and the physical environment around them. Collaborative Grading: Children work together to arrange a set of shapes (such as circles increasing in diameter) in precise sequential order—sometimes even holding shapes behind their backs to arrange them strictly by touch! A Thoughtfully Prepared Tool for Lifelong Learning While the primary goal of the Geometry Cabinet is to cultivate visual and tactile shape discrimination, its benefits extend into every area of early childhood development: Pincer Grip Development: Grasping the small wooden knobs naturally strengthens the muscles needed for pencil hold. Concentration and Focus: The self-correcting nature of the material encourages long periods of deep engagement. Language and Literacy Preparation: Distinguishing fine lines and angles builds the visual discrimination necessary for letter and number recognition. The Geometry Cabinet is a prime example of how Montessori materials transform complex mathematical concepts into joyfully accessible, hands-on discovery. Experience Our Classrooms Firsthand We invite you to see how our prepared environments foster deep concentration, independence, and a lifelong love for learning. Schedule a tour today!
Toddler working  with wooden blocks at a classroom table, reaching into a small wooden box.
September 21, 2026
Reflect on what truly matters in education. Mission Montessori Academy explores how alignment with core values—like empathy, independence, and critical thinking—prepares children for life, not just the workforce.